Saturday, November 1, 2008

If John McCain Wins

Tonight I give you the first of two pre-election posts. The second will be entitled "If Barack Hussein Obama Wins."

A surprising number of people in my contest have chosen to predict a McCain upset victory. I remain unconvinced. But if it should happen, I have the following observations for you:

  • If McCain has not conceded the race by Wednesday morning (November 5), I recommend that you go out to your cars, yards, etc., and immediately remove every sticker, sign, or placard that might say "McCain/Palin" or any other such thing. An Obama loss would provoke scattered violence throughout our nation. I'm as serious as I can be. If you don't want your car keyed, your house egged, or your person confronted, then you'd better take those signs down and don't even think about gloating. The sole exclusion from this rule is C.B. Scott. If an angry mob of Obamaniacs surround and attack C.B., they have coming whatever they get and we should have no pity upon them.

  • Wave goodbye to Sarah Palin. John McCain will put up a high-voltage fence around the Naval Observatory (where the VP resides) and instruct the Secret Service to shoot her if she approaches the gate and tries to escape. Her best shot at getting on TV after the election would be if she could land a cameo on Deadliest Catch. I'm a fan (my bumper sticker says "SARAH!" with a tiny "McCain" underneath), so I'm not saying that she doesn't deserve better. I'm just predicting what she'll get.

  • McCain will be under tremendous pressure to bring "healing" to a nation deeply riven over the election's outcome. In response, McCain will do the sort of thing that he does when he's under that sort of pressure—he'll cooperate with Barney Frank or some other such wild-eyed liberal to draft some piece of "bipartisan" legislative agenda. In doing so, he'll be operating in the same way that President Bush did early in his administration before he learned better. For the Kennedys, Franks, Obamas, and other folks on the left, a firm cooperative hug is merely a better position from which to insert the stiletto into your back.

  • The happiest people on earth will be David Letterman, Jay Leno, Stephen Colbert, and Jon Stewart.

  • Oprah will cry.

  • Rush Limbaugh will say "I told you so."

  • American troops will get out of Iraq on about the same timetable that they would have under an Obama administration.

  • Barack Obama will not go gentle into that good night. He will not pull an Al Gore, freak out, gain 120 pounds, and jet around the world to encourage people to forsake travel for the environment's sake. He'll preserve his image in hopes of running again.

  • The NYSE will not like a McCain victory. Stocks will plummet if he wins, albeit temporarily. Eventually stock traders will trade on news other than politics.

  • Contrary to speculation, John McCain will easily outlive his term of office. Until some Democrat socializes it, for now we have the best healthcare system in the world. The President of the United States gets the best of the best. McCain would not, while serving, die of disease.

Stick around for the flip-side in part two.


CB Scott said...

If McCain does win our troops will not come home under a white flag even if the timetable of their homecoming is about the same. (I agree as to the time of the homecoming being about the same)

Obama will go ahead and start smoking in public and no longer keep that a secret. We may also be able to read his Masters thesis for why hide it anymore.

His wife will again confess her hatred for America.

Obama will go back to his home church under Jeremiah Wright's wonderful ministry.

He may even co-write a book with Bill Ayers entitled: "ALMOST FOOLED Y'ALL HUH"

Lastly, I will be as happy as a pig in slop because I will not be facing living under Marxist Socialism. I can keep more of my money. I can keep my guns. I will not become a criminal because I will not give up all of my guns. Vandals and Visigoths will not feel free to raid my home at their pleasure. I can still preach against sin from a public pulpit without worry of being arrested for hate crimes.

Ultimately, We may get closer to stopping the murder of babies in my lifetime.


Anonymous said...

I put this poll on my blog last week. I guess I know where you come out on it

Just in case it doesn't allow the link, here is the post

Bob Cleveland said...

Personally I think we ought to elect CB president. His agenda sounds pretty good to me.

CB, I presume McCain would be looking for a new Secretary of State. Or maybe of Defense? Or maybe we could have a Secretary of War without a declared war?

Care to move to DC??

CB Scott said...

Bob, If I was made Secretary of War, I would move to DC and declare war on my new hometown.


Anonymous said...

Bart, I have a McCain/Palin sign in my yard. And it will stay up for the next four years no matter who is elected. UNLESS...McCain gets kissyface with Barney Frank. In my humble opinion, the first thing John McCain should do when after an innaugural address is go inside and select a group of folks like CB, Me, Peter, Volfan and you to form an investigative (9-11 style) commission to see who all is at fault in this financial mess and we will make heads roll. selahV

Tim G said...

Interesting post! What you point out is more than true - what we really need is a TRUE LEADER. I just have not seen one lately!